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A Mother’s Thoughts: To Protect, Or Not To Protect?

Updated: Sep 24, 2019

"You don't care about the children!"

"You monster! You love your guns more than your kids!"

"You have blood on your hands you filthy gun lover!"

"You must have a small penis because you love your AR-15!!"

Did I miss any?

The accusations thrown in our faces, as people who love our Constitution, our lives, our freedoms... Our Liberty.

We Are Gun Nuts!!

I think about these horrible accusations as a mother and it tears my soul to pieces. Nothing could be further from the truth.

One of my favorite things in the world to do, other than make my son laugh hysterically and see him learn new things, is to watch him sleep. He looks like a little angel. Being that he's a toddler and has an occasional fit... that makes my neck tense up... I appreciate GREATLY those little moments watching him snooze so peacefully. I can look him over. Make sure he's still got all ten little fingers and stubby toes- that I prayed so hard for when I was pregnant. At times, I even find myself wishing for him to wake up so we can play or just "talk it out," as we (I) call it.

My son around 3 months old and I napping. Pic cred to the best bud for coming by and washing my dishes so he and I could snooze.

Like any parent... especially a new(ish) mother, I've wondered about the "what ifs" in this world, where my little man would be forced into a "forever sleep." I shudder and shake the thoughts from my mind. I remember telling my own Ma, when my son was just a few months old, "I can't help but think about the possibility of him getting hurt or dying, Ma! I think something is wrong with me because I think about these things! Should I go see someone?"

Her response, "Jill... I'd be worried about you, if you did NOT think about those possibilities. There's nothing wrong with you. You are a mom, and that's your brain's way of telling you, 'you're responsible for TWO of ya now,' so it's making you think about the negatives so you can prepare against them. Don't let it overcome your thoughts, but it does mean that boy has a Mama that loves him beyond belief and will fight for him."

She's right. (Ma's are always right... right?)

I remember not too long after the Parkland Shooting, a lady here in VA told me she had a niece that went to school there and that she was so happy to hear she was okay. She also said that it makes you think differently when you hear the words of a child tell you that something needs to change in order to maintain their overall well- being. OF COURSE I agreed. Like the rest of the nation... the world... I was fully aware of what happened on that dark Valentine's Day of 2018. I was completely outraged and saddened by it. My mind wasn't ready for the Gun Control controversy that was brewing, so when that lady kept talking about "Enough is Enough," on that day, I thought she was just emotional like the rest of us.

Believe it or not, in the midst of it all, not once did I think about my guns. I remember listening to all the first hand accounts from survivors and the victim's families. I would squeeze my son a little tighter as I cried for their losses. Andrew Pollack, who lost his daughter Meadow, that day... seeing him look so desperate when he drove around, showing her pic to folks and news sources... I was so heartbroken. When David Hogg's phone video hit the circuit, I was outraged... and not at him. I felt so sorry for him and his peers. WHO WOULDN'T BE!?! The fact that these Gun Control Lobbying groups make it sound like it didn't affect anyone else other than THEM and THEIR CAUSE on an emotional level, is absolutely ABSURD!!!

I was once asked by a Gun Control Activist if I had to choose between my guns and my child, which would it be.

Of course I chose my child and WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE MY CHILD!


I'm an analytical thinker and when given a topic, I tear it apart, mentally, to find a hidden or an overall solution to any problems at hand. After my encounter with that Gun Grabber, I got to thinking those bad thoughts again... the "what ifs" that involved my child being hurt or killed. I thought about how many times a week, he and I go to the neighborhood grocery store- where he knows all the little ladies that work there... and loves to flirt with them for an exchange of candy and possible toys. I think about the interactions I make with so many people, smiling and welcoming. It truly is a nice neighborhood, with wonderful people from all different backgrounds and walks of life. My son LOVES meeting new people and he waves and smiles and says hello to all he can. All is comfy and secure. No worries, right?

The wave of dread washes over me most in those situations... when it's just him and I. I'm not my husband. I don't have some formal military or emergency training. I didn't finish my academy training for the P.D. There's something I missed... I'm sure. I'm not as agile as I used to be. I have a knee that pops when I sneeze, for crying out loud! A secret getaway for me better include Claritin or I'm screwed.

The thing I do have is my discernment and my abilities to problem solve and prepare ahead of time. I don't know all of these people I come in contact with everyday. I don't know their honest, deepest intentions behind their sweet smiles. I'm not a mind reader! I'd love to be able to think that everyone just wanted to hug it out, but THAT IS NOT THE CASE. (And I love hugs!) Walking into a public venue, like a grocery store, knowing the nearest security enforcement is 10- 15 minutes away, frightens the shit out of me. I hear about these kids being abducted... TAKEN FROM THEIR MOTHER'S ARMS, in broad daylight from grocery stores and shopping centers.

Am I, as a MOTHER, supposed to just let someone take my child?

Am I, as a MOTHER, supposed to just lay down and die, leaving my kid in even more potential danger?

Am I, a MOTHER, NOT supposed to protect my baby boy from the possibility of such tragedies similar to what those in Parkland, FL, Newtown, CT, Las Vegas, NV... have suffered?

As a Mother, I make sure my son has his allergy meds, extra clothes, toys, snacks, etc... all handy for "Just in case" moments... am I NOT supposed to be prepared in case someone wants to do us harm?

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